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After Silence

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Speak [Jul. 22nd, 2006|12:51 pm]
After Silence
Where do I begin?
How can I describe a circle?

Today creeps in, just as the one before it & I’m sorting through the words again, some fall like snow gently calling me, others swirl around & bang against the inside of my skull.

I pick them up & every time they near the surface they surprise me.

I don’t understand this word


This word is an old friend


This word was not here yesterday


This word has grown into a monster


& here, all that is left of these words are their initials.

My mouth tries to frame the sounds these words carry but my lips are too dry & my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth yet this morning I ran to my mountain to survey the kingdom of my inaccessible sentences.

So maybe that’s where I begin, the individual who seeks acceptance & finds comfort in linier narrative.
Once upon a time to happily ever after; but this doesn’t work like that; time is not on my side no matter how the expression goes.

The darkness will hear it first; my dreams have seen it so many times before.
Like discovering my own fairytale I will watch my mouth move & know that in that moment my belief in someone will be shattered.
My whole body will shake with the tears as I breathe in - breathe out.
I will collapse into them & find them around me holding tiny lights.
I will recognize the shapes of the thousands of people who have walked this path before me, midwives still bearing new life in their empty hands; & under their gracious hand holds I will come to understand the light & find comfort in their footsteps.

A bubble floats to the surface & explodes, is this a rain drop, a tear or an ocean?
It becomes increasingly hard to tell.

I look out over the dawning sky & let her & so many others before her go.

This word is the future –


From: tealight_rookie
2006-10-30 03:47 pm (UTC)
Dear Elisha,

I don't know if you know or not, but I am the person who originally wrote and recorded that piece for the Surviving The Truth CD compiled by Haullie Free (although what I wrote isn't exactly as it is transcribed here). I also used to be a very active member of After Silence and still have a great many friends from that time. Haullie contacted me a while ago to tell me that someone had posted this transcript at another survivor community, and that she had contacted that person to explain who had written it etc. I don't know if that was also you, but having just found this post I felt that it was important I made contact with you to introduce myself.

I am honoured in some senses that you felt a kinship with my words (after all, all survivors need the solace of companionship) however I would appreciate it if you would credit the work to its rightful author. As you will also hopefully understand, each of our stories as survivors are personal and are therefore not to be passed around lightly or without consideration. While I was happy to contribute to the CD in the way that I did, and as I say, feel touched that you felt able to express yourself through my contribution, those are still my words and it is still my story.

Please don't think I'm writing this to cause trouble, or to make you feel uncomfortable. I just felt strongly that I needed to speak to you about this. I shall also try and contact you via email.

With all best wishes,

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