||[Jul. 22nd, 2006|12:51 pm]
Where do I begin?
How can I describe a circle?
Today creeps in, just as the one before it & I’m sorting through the words again, some fall like snow gently calling me, others swirl around & bang against the inside of my skull.
I pick them up & every time they near the surface they surprise me.
I don’t understand this word
This word is an old friend
This word was not here yesterday
This word has grown into a monster
& here, all that is left of these words are their initials.
My mouth tries to frame the sounds these words carry but my lips are too dry & my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth yet this morning I ran to my mountain to survey the kingdom of my inaccessible sentences.
So maybe that’s where I begin, the individual who seeks acceptance & finds comfort in linier narrative.
Once upon a time to happily ever after; but this doesn’t work like that; time is not on my side no matter how the expression goes.
The darkness will hear it first; my dreams have seen it so many times before.
Like discovering my own fairytale I will watch my mouth move & know that in that moment my belief in someone will be shattered.
My whole body will shake with the tears as I breathe in - breathe out.
I will collapse into them & find them around me holding tiny lights.
I will recognize the shapes of the thousands of people who have walked this path before me, midwives still bearing new life in their empty hands; & under their gracious hand holds I will come to understand the light & find comfort in their footsteps.
A bubble floats to the surface & explodes, is this a rain drop, a tear or an ocean?
It becomes increasingly hard to tell.
I look out over the dawning sky & let her & so many others before her go.
This word is the future –