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After Silence

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About After Silence [Dec. 10th, 2006|11:22 am]
After Silence

I apologize for the delay in fixing the problems with After Silence. I contacted customer support for Invision Power Board several times and I'm waiting to hear back from them.
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(no subject) [Oct. 29th, 2006|01:12 pm]
After Silence

Dear After Silence Members,

We have recently moved aftersilence.org to a new server. Because of some small misconfiguration in the new server, members randomly accessed our old host and thus browsed the old site. As a result, posts seemed to appear and disappear. We have managed to fix the problem, but unfortunately we need some time for the server to adjust. We have been reassured the problem will be automatically resolved in about 48 hours and the Board will then be accessible again. (for more information on the problem: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dns )

We apologize for the inconvenience and encourage you to post here in the mean time.

If you have any question or concern, please email us at:


Thank you for your patience.
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(no subject) [Oct. 5th, 2006|01:35 pm]
After Silence

Hi everyone this is my first post here, so i just wanted to say hi.  I guess i'm pretty messed up i have an eating disorder and have had a pretty screwed up childhood, but most everyone on here has to and knowing your not alone is the greatest thing in the world!  Here is a quick shap shot of what my life has been like lol  I copied it from my livejournal.

1. My Mother left my biological Father and took me up to Alaska
2. I was molested by my 2 cousins when I was 4yo, my mom still doesn’t believe me.
3. My BioDad kidnapped me from Alaska and had me for 9 months
4. The FBI tracked him down and found us, they said I was in bad shape  from lack of food and care
5. Everything was pretty good until I was about 12yo although I always had low self-esteem
6. I got back in contact with my biodad mostly from curiosity when I was about 12
7. He started drugging me and molesting me after a year of knowing him (I was still living with my mom most of the time, but I was too scared to tell her what was going on)
8 It got worse and he forced me and his new wife to do stuff on video, which he forced us to watch when we weren’t drugged. (I was still scared, he was a big illegal gun/drug dealer)
9.  He got me to try crack (lied and told me it was just marijuana THC) and got me hooked on it.
10. I lost a lot of weight and wanted to kill myself (that’s where my ED started)
11. My mom decide to move so I ended up moving 400 miles away when I was 15yo.
12. I finally told my mom a little and we tried to press charges.  He was suppose to get 10 life sentences, but all the reports and files disappeared so they said nothing else could be done.  (my biodad had big connections)
13.  He came to where we moved and put an AK47 to my head and threatened me
14. He ended up moving to Florida and the ATF and FBI put him in prison for having illegal guns for only eighteen months, he got out a few years ago and I have no idea where he is now, probably New York
15. When I was about 15-16 I became really premiscus, finding attention where ever I could get it
16. I ended up dropping out of school when I was 16, but I got my GED
17. I met my husband when I was 17 and I got pregnant soon after, we got married before I had my first baby
18. I had my son on 1-7-02, then I got pregnant again when my son was 2 months old
19. I had my daughter on 12-12-02
20.About a year after my daughter was born my marriage started going downhill because I know he was cheating.
21. I left him and got really bad into meth and coke and actually started dealing it too to support my/my sisters habits.  We both became a strippers for a little while.  That all stopped when DEA busted my sister for having meth labs.
22. Me and my husband ended up working stuff out and we got back together and decided to move to Florida to get away from all the drama.
23.  We have been down here for almost 2 years and have been doing really good, but since I have been off the drugs and everything my have gained my weight back and I can’t handle being fat.

That was a basic summery, there is even more than that, but I think that sums it up pretty good.

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Letters to My Abusers [Sep. 4th, 2006|03:05 am]
After Silence
Letters to My Abusers - A Survivor's Project

I encourage anyone who is willing to get involved in this wonderfully empowering project for survivors. It's a way of taking our lives back one letter at a time, one step at a time. In a way it's like we're confronting those who've hurt us in the most powerful way. Please read this excerpt below from Stephanie Gagos, she's a great advocate and author for survivors of rape, secual abuse and domestic violence. You can contact her about this project through her web site at" http://www.letterstomyabusers.com

"I am inviting those of you who feel you may benefit, to take another step in your healing. For some of you this is just a stepping stone in the process, for others it just might be the first step you take in healing your childhood wounds. (Either way, I urge you to gather support for your journey if you decide to participate) Most of you will never send these letters and the truth is they are not for your abusers, they are really for you. They will allow you put words to your pain and your determination to survive.

Selected letters will be edited and published in a book called, Letters to My Abusers: What I Couldn’t Say Then. We hope that both men and women will participate and we are open to accepting letters from teens with parental permission. As of now it is an unpaid assignment but you will receive a contributor’s copy. Part of the proceeds will go to organizations that help survivors of sexual abuse." ~Stephanie Gagos (author)

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Intro [Sep. 2nd, 2006|03:41 am]
After Silence

Hello, I'm new here, wanted to introduce myself. I am a survivor or incest by my grandfather and sexual abuse by eight other men, physical and emotional abuse by my mother. I am using writing to heal. I've been working on a book based on my childhood and how I am reconditioning (reprogramming) my mind and body after years of abuse. I hope to be finished soon. I'm also working on a second project which is an anthology of letters by survivors to their abusers. The goal is to publish them. If you think you may be interested, visit www.letterstomyabusers.com for details. The deadline is October 30th. I hope to heal together. I also created a live journal community called reconditioning, where I hope survivors can share how they are healing and changing the patterns and beliefs formed in their abusive childhoods. http://community.livejournal.com/reconditioning/
Take care. Keep healing and growing.

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Sexual Assault Campaigns [Aug. 16th, 2006|03:43 pm]
After Silence
I made some sexual assault campaigns for others to download for posters or presentations, maybe it you'd like to give one to your support group or display them on a table at a function for survivors. This isn't all of the campaigns, this mainly focuses on sexual assault but hopefully I can do some more in the future. If you'd like to download them I have them both in word document and .pdf format...

TRIGGER WARNING (although these are empowering, even campaigns can be triggering sometimes)

Campaigns (Word Doc)

Campaigns (.pdf Format)

Love & Support, Haullie

P.S. no credit is necessary, just use them to help raise awareness, that's all I care about ;) HUGS!
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The Survivor Digest | Issue 01 [Aug. 15th, 2006|04:24 am]
After Silence
Hey Everyone,

I'm SO excited to be releasing the very first Survivor Digest. The Survivor Digest is a quarterly zine for survivors of rape, sexual abuse and domestic violence. The book can be purchased online if you wish to get it in book format and donate to SOAR (Speaking Out About Rape)...HOWEVER...It is also FREE to download online as well in a 3 part series. So I am going to post the links for download.

You must have Adobe Acrobat reader to view the .pdf files. If you do not currently have Adobe Acrobat Reader, it is free to download at the following link: http://www.download.com/3000-2378-10000062.html

The Survivor Digest
Click on the links below the image to download the digest in the 3 part series.

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You have to RIGHT CLICK on the pdf file to zoom in to read the book.
You'll see a window pop up, click on 'Zoom Tools'




( If you are interested in getting this as a book, you're more than welcome to visit our on-line store where it is sold to help raise money for SOAR - Speaking Out About Rape: http://www.cafepress.com/voicesstrength.68973250 )

Happy Healing, Haullie
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Survivor Guest Map [Aug. 13th, 2006|12:14 am]
After Silence


I just made a Survivor Guest Map. I thought it would be kind of neat if we all put a spot on the map to show where we are in the world to emphasize how huge this epidemic is and how crucial change is needed. I also added this to my web site as well www.voicesofstrength.org

Please click on the link above if you would like to contribute your name. This is kind of like a vigil for all of us.

Love Always, Haullie

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Speak [Jul. 22nd, 2006|12:51 pm]
After Silence
Where do I begin?
How can I describe a circle?

Today creeps in, just as the one before it & I’m sorting through the words again, some fall like snow gently calling me, others swirl around & bang against the inside of my skull.

I pick them up & every time they near the surface they surprise me.

I don’t understand this word


This word is an old friend


This word was not here yesterday


This word has grown into a monster


& here, all that is left of these words are their initials.

My mouth tries to frame the sounds these words carry but my lips are too dry & my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth yet this morning I ran to my mountain to survey the kingdom of my inaccessible sentences.

So maybe that’s where I begin, the individual who seeks acceptance & finds comfort in linier narrative.
Once upon a time to happily ever after; but this doesn’t work like that; time is not on my side no matter how the expression goes.

The darkness will hear it first; my dreams have seen it so many times before.
Like discovering my own fairytale I will watch my mouth move & know that in that moment my belief in someone will be shattered.
My whole body will shake with the tears as I breathe in - breathe out.
I will collapse into them & find them around me holding tiny lights.
I will recognize the shapes of the thousands of people who have walked this path before me, midwives still bearing new life in their empty hands; & under their gracious hand holds I will come to understand the light & find comfort in their footsteps.

A bubble floats to the surface & explodes, is this a rain drop, a tear or an ocean?
It becomes increasingly hard to tell.

I look out over the dawning sky & let her & so many others before her go.

This word is the future –

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Find other AS members on LJ [Jun. 13th, 2006|04:01 pm]
After Silence

Copied from my journal

I added "aftersilence.org" to my list of interests. So far I'm the first (and only) to have it, but if you feel like adding it to yours too, it could be a nice way to find other AS members on LJ

P.S. Also, if you like them, feel free to take any the AS icons I made and to use them in your journal =)

White Border:

Black Border

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